Manny Mcphee
by Tusk Act IV
Summary: Jaune becomes a manny for the Xiao Long household. "It's a shortcut for male nanny"
**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or series this fic uses.**

* * *

Ruby Rose slowly slunked back into her room.

She was feeling a lot of things right now. Well, she thought she would but all she felt was numbness.

After all, waking up from a coma and being told that your team was broken wasn't the best experience in the world.

She didn't even know why she had included that in her bucket list.

The world was ending. Her friends had died. Her team was splintered.

A lot of those things sucked but if there was one thing Ruby Rose was good at it was thinking positive and looking at the bright side of things.

But first she had to change out of these pajamas.

"Okay, good side, good side. Um, at least everyone's alive. Yeah! Except for Phyrrha. And Penny."

Ruby started undoing the buttons of her pajamas as she tried to process all the information she had gotten.

"I can't contact anyone, right now. Beacon is gone too. Maybe I could send birds? But how do I train them?"

"Let me help you with that."

"Oh thanks."

A pair of hands took over her unbuttoning as Ruby delved deeper into her problems. The help was welcomed as she wanted to concentrate on everything thad had happened.

"Yang's missing an arm and her cheerfulness. And hope in life. I could make her a robot arm. Or a sandwich. Maybe, that'll cheer her up?"

"Can you extend your arms?" Ruby complied which allowed her top to be taken off. She felt a coolness from her chest. Well, she normally didn't wear a bra to sleep anyways.

"But what about Blake? Why did she leave? Didn't we do this plot already? Weiss is in Atlas as well and I don't know how to contact her."

As she tried to remember the number to Schnee Dust Company's hotline, Ruby lied on her bed to allow her pajama pants and panty to slide off more easily.

"Still, Uncle Qrow said something about Haven. That's the only lead I have right now. I mean, maybe he could've told me more or left me a note."

"Do you want the regular or the alternate?"

"Just my usual pajamas. And can you get the panty with the strawberry print?"

"Got it. You want a bra with that?"

"Okay."

Ruby absentmidedly let herself be dressed as she thought about Haven.

Panties slid up her petite waist and her bra was clasped on, a small squeeze given to allow her nubile breasts to settle on the material.

Getting to Haven would be tough. She'd most likely have to sneak out and get there on foot as she didn't have that much saved up in her piggybank.

Another pair of pajama pants, this one pink, were put on her along with a dark camisole.

Not to mention she didn't have a team with her. Yang was the only option and right now her sister didn't look like she'd be up for an adventure.

Also, she had to know if her baby was okay. Crescent Rose needed constant maintenance which she wasn't sure if her family had done for her.

The only other team she knew was close to was team JNPR. Maybe they could-Oh no.

"Pyrrha." Ruby half-whispered half-sobbed. A huge wave of guilt and sadness washed over her.

She had watched Pyrrha die.

The girl had been her friend and she had been too slow to stop her death.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." Ruby allowed herself to be embraced, her sobs and tears absorbed by a warm chest. "It's not your fault. You did your best."

"I...I f-failed. I'm no...no hero!

"Hey now! Who's the one who stopped Cinder and the dragon? You are? The fact that you were willing to go and save her proves just how much of a true Hero you are."

The words did little to console the small Rose as she continued her sobbing.

However, after what felt like an eternity of hugging and headpats, Ruby finally felt the sadness ebb away. Not all of it but enough.

"Do you feel better now? Why don't you go downstairs and get some cookies. I made a fresh pile when I heard you woke up."

Nodding blankly but at least feeling much better than when she reentered her room, Ruby allowed herself to detach from Jaune's embrace.

Cookies sounded nice right now. She could use cookies. Jaune always made the best cookies as well.

Jaune. She had forgotten about him. He must've felt absolutely terrible. Would he and his team even go to Haven with her without Pyrrha? How would she even be able to contact him?

"Be sure to not eat too many. It could ruin your appetite for later."

As Ruby's hand wrapped around her doorknob, she froze at how ice cold it was.

No, wait. It wasn't the doorknob that was cold. That was her blood and whole body freezing as her brain started to catch up.

Now that past memories, information dumps, and emotional turbulences had been dealt with, the present memories were finally able to arrive to their destination.

Slowly, almost as if not confirming it would make it go away, Ruby turned her head around.

Jaune Arc in an apron, still stood there, an unusually peppy on his face and her changed clothes-her underwear-in his arms.

It was like an image from a dream that was then twisted into a nightmare.

And so, just like any other creature when faced with so many conflicting emotions, Ruby did what her instincts told her to do.

On the bright side, everyone in Patch would start thinking their house was haunted which made Halloween much more easier for Taiyang.

* * *

"Well, to put it simply, I'm your new manny."

"A what?"

"Manny. Male Nanny. We're trying to seperate the female stereotype entwined with the role."

Ruby turned her look of disbelief away from Jaune who was currently cooking something that smelled heavenly onto the two who were sitting across the table.

"Well, Ruby." Qrow downed something definitely alcoholic and Ruby was tempted to ask for a glass or even a bottle. "Things have been hectic while you were asleep."

Taiyang took over. "Yang was, and still is, not able to function properly. Qrow had to pick up a lot of what Ozpin had left him."

"Tai's even reinstated." Added Qrow which brought a surprised look to Ruby's face.

"You did dad?" The blonde man just smiled sheepishly.

"Well, yeah. Things have been pretty rough in Patch so I volunteered for guard duty. I think it's time for this lion to get back his fangs."

Tai smiled and, even just a little, the old brawler of Team STRQ seemed to be back.

"Wow dad that's ama-No! Don't change the subject! Why is Jaune here?!"

"With my time being eaten up and Yang still in a rut, someone needed to look after you and the house. And I couldn't do it alone."

"Thus, we got you guys a manny." Qrow finished.

"Why not a woman? Why did it have to be Jaune?"

Qrow just gave his niece a pointed look. "You really think I'm going to leave Tai alone with a woman? When he's still partially unstable? The last time I did that, we got you."

"But why Jaune?"

"Oh, well that was actually because I asked." Jaune reentered the conversation with trays of delicious smelling food. "I overheard your uncle talking about it and I volunteered to take my mind off of Pyrrha."

Ruby was very tempted to shoot her uncle with high caliber rifle rounds, instead she just shot him the most betrayed look she could make.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! Everyone else told me was a close friend of yours. Yang even said you wrote about him a lot in your diary."

Qrow wondered for a moment if turning that red could be dangerous to Ruby's health.

She looked like she was about to explode but the sudden scent of cookies seemed to defuse her as Jaune placed a plate of food in front of each person sitting at the table.

Ruby decided not to eat anything from the plate as a sign of defiance. She held firm for a long three seconds.

As everyone started digging in, Jaune decided to give his two cents in an effort to preserve what little dignity Ruby had left.

The poor thing.

"So as the manny, I was in charge of usual Manny stuff. I cleaned the house, do the chores, and cook most of your food. However, I am also a Manny general which means I can also fill in for a nurse, legally."

Jaune then opened his wallet and flashed his liscense card to Ruby.

He had actually graduated top of his class in Manny school, which was the school he had accidentally enrolled into instead of combat school.

"Jaune, you have to tell me." Ruby grabbed Jaune's eyes and looked him dead in his blues. "Exaxtly. What. Did. You. Do."

"Well, I did the standard coma package but since you were in a half coma I had to change it up.

"Half coma?"

"We don't have a better word for it. You were more or less sleeeping. Basically I moved your limbs around to prevent atrophy. I also regulalrly fed you."

"How..."

"Mouth to mouth. I kinda have to shove it in there and push it forward. If only remnant had some form of drip that wpuld be injected into you. But since we don't, it's mama bird style."

"I..."

"I also was in charge of changing your clothes and giving you baths. Not to mention cleaning up messes when it was your period and catching your-"

"Peanut Butter and Jelly Wings? Oh man this stuff's great, Jaune." Tai suddely spoke up as he stuffed himself full of the sweet sticky chicken meat. "You should try some Ruby. Ruby?"

Tai looked away from his neal to see his daughter's face strive for the perfect pink as it couldn't seem to decide whether it should be paling or blushing.

Paling.

"You...you were okay with doing that?" It wasn't really sure who Ruby was talking to as she had alreay lost most focus in her eyes.

Qrow decided to speak up first., "Well, it's part of his job and Yang's never in the mood to do anything but brood these day."

Paling.

Next Taiyang, "I did watch over him the first few times but he was honestly really professional about it

Paling.

Jaune finally spoke up. "Well, at first it was a bit tough on me. After all, you are a cute girl..."

Blushing. Blushing.

"...but I grew up with seven sisters who didnt know the meaning of the word modesty. No offense Ruby, but I've seen worse. Also, you know, it's my job. I'm a professional.

Jaune showed her a picture of seven buxom and gorgeous blondes that made Yang's body look like Weiss'. Yang who?

Qrow let out a low whistle. "Hey, do any of your sisters happen to be single?"

"But...but..." In the shattered remains of her mind, Ruby Rose tried to find something to make sense of it all. "What about Pyrrha? You look way too okay."

"Actually, that was thanks to me." Tai spoke up proudly. "When Jaune arrived he was a functioning manny husk. I saw myself in him and since I've been through the same thing, so I now attend therapy with him. We're therapy buddies!"

That explained the matching t-shirts, at least.

Ruby felt her sanity slipping away.

This was not happening. This couldn't have been happening. It was like she was in the story of some sicko who lived to torture her. And probably smelled.

She felt anger and betrayed to everyone sitting around the table. She felt violated, that she had lost most of her decency without her knowing. She even felt a searing hotness deep within her that made her want to sprawl Jaune all over the table while he wears nothing but that pink frilly apron.

Ruby Rose was growing up in a lot of ways.

Mentally and emotionally exhausted, Ruby was about to give up until she realized there was still one other person in this house.

Someone who was very protective of her little sister.

As if on cue, a voice rang into the dining room.

"Jaune, I can I get a sponge bath over here or what?!"

As her last hope was snuffed out, Ruby's upper half collapsed on the table, unmoving. However, the cookies on her plate were steadily decreasing, assuring that she was at least alive.

The three watched her slumped form silently eat the cookies.

"Well, if that's all that's needed, I believe Ma'am Yang wants another sponge bath." Jaune was the first to move as he got up and headed for the bathroom.

Which left the two older men and a barely moving cookie monster.

Qrow turned from Tai to Ruby then back to Tai.

"Maybe you should call that therapist of yours and ask if she does group therapy.

"I guess. We'll have to try Jaune's therapist though as I haven't seen my old one in a while bit Dr. Politan always does have a knack of flying around the place. I wonder where she's at?

Meanwhile in Atlas, for once, all of the Schnee family was sitting together at the table, smiling.

"More kippers, Weiss?" On one side of the table was the profigal Winter who had come back and was now as warm and caring as spring.

"Why thank you, Winter." Next to her was the young Weiss whose heart had melted and was now able to fully love her family.

"Pass some to your father as well."

"Yes mama!"

Willow Scnee, after her miraculous recovery, passed the kippers to her husband who was smiling a smile that he hadn't worn for years.

All thanks to their new nanny. The one who had been able to win both his family's heart and his own with her amazingly catchy songs.

"..."

"We'll miss you, Neo Robbins!" waved Winter as a tear rolled down her eye.

"Do you ever have to go?" asked a teary eyed Weiss.

"You've changed me as well. I'm no longer the money-driven workaholic I once was." Added the father of the household.

There was no words. No final songs for Neo as she floated away with her umbrella sword, waving at the Schnee family.

She had landed there per chance but not only did she change them, but they had changed her as well.

As their once nanny flew past the horizon, Papa Schnee hugged all of his girls.

"You think we'll ever see her again, dad?"

"I'm sure we will honey. I'm sure we will."

* * *

 **AN: So this was a thing.**

 **This all started with the question on how Jaune knew to go to Patch. So I went with the logical reason that he was alreadg there, working as a manny.**

 **God, I miss Modern Family.**

* * *

"Jaauuneee, you promised to comb my hair." Yang pulled one arm of Jaune's with her only one, her hair unusually unruly.

Almost to the point that it almost looked like someone did it on purpose.

"But sis, he promised to help me choose a new outfit." Ruby pulled their manny's other free arm which she almost seemed to be rubbing to her chest.

The reaper didn't really know why but after the talk she had started gettin excited whenever she had Jaune change her or watch her changed.

It was almost like an exhibition.

Something had awakened in the young Rose which may also explain why she also wasn't wearing any underwear as she rubbed herself agaisnt him.

Qrow watched it all from a distance, feeling the sickest feeling of de javu.

"Girls please behave yourselves!" The sudden input of their father made the two stop. He was also carrying with him a baseball and glove.

"If there's anything Jaune's going to do, it's to play catch with me!"

Taiyang loved his daughters but he was never able to get the son he always wanted. Not till now at least.

"That's unfair!"

"Yeah!"

"Well, I hired him so..."

And so as the three started to bicker, Jaune had to bring out his guitar and break into song which for some reason all three knew the lyrics to.

Qrow all but ran to the house, afraid of being somehow forced into another of the manny's song and dance routines.

He had to do something and fast.

 _'Sometimes if you need something done'_ Qrow opened his bag to reveal a wig and a make up kit, _'you had to do it yourself.'_

 **Next time: Manny McPhee vs. Mrs. Qrowfire...not really.**


End file.
